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Attachment
Anxious Attachment : Part 1
What causes anxious attachment style in childhood?
Ever wondered why some individuals seem to constantly seek reassurance and validation in their relationships? Or perhaps you’ve observed those who vacillate between clinging tightly to others and pushing them away? These behaviours often stem from the development of an anxious/preoccupied attachment style in childhood.
One of the primary factors contributing to the formation of this attachment style is a child’s experience of inconsistent parenting patterns. Picture a scenario where caregivers keep shifting between being attentive and responsive to a child’s needs and being emotionally distant, dismissive, or even explosive at times. This inconsistency creates a sense of confusion and fear for the child, who may then struggle to predict how their caregiver will react to their needs. Consequently, they may feel insecure in the relationship and become highly anxious and preoccupied with whether or not their needs will be met by their caregiver. This relational anxiety typically results in low self-esteem, a strong fear of rejection or abandonment, and clinginess in relationships.
Another significant element in the development of anxious attachment is what psychologists term “emotional hunger” within caregivers. These are the parents who, consciously or not, rely on their children to fulfil their own emotional needs rather than prioritising the child’s well-being. This can manifest in behaviours like excessive clinginess, over-protection, or using the child as a means to bolster their own self-image as the ideal parent.
Importantly, this pattern of parenting isn’t always a deliberate choice; it can be an unconscious repetition of the caregivers’ own upbringing. Adults who were raised in environments where their emotional needs weren’t consistently met may unintentionally perpetuate similar dynamics with their own children. It’s a cycle that persists across generations, driven not by genetics but by learned behaviours and relational patterns.
Furthermore, caregivers whose children develop an anxious attachment style often exhibit similar tendencies themselves, reflecting the intergenerational transmission of attachment patterns. This underscores the importance of understanding the profound impact that early caregiving experiences can have on individuals’ relational dynamics throughout their lives.
In conclusion, an anxious attachment develops in childhood and forms the blueprint for the way in which an individual will continue to perceive and navigate all other relationships in their lifetime. Although it does require much effort, individuals with an anxious attachment are able to develop a more secure attachment over time.
To learn more about your attachment style, click here to take our Attachment Style Quiz.
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Kimona Premjith is a clinical Psychologist at The Wellness Evolution. One of her special areas of interest is in Women’s health and fertility challenges, also dealing with peri-natal health and post-partum depression. Visit our website www.thewellnessevolution.co.za/about-kimona-premjith for more information or to book an appointment.
