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Attachment
Anxious Attachment : Part 4
How to Heal an Anxious Attachment Style
Can You Change Your Attachment Style, and How?
Fortunately, attachment styles are not set in stone and can evolve over time. This transformation can sometimes occur naturally, particularly through relationships with securely attached individuals who provide a sense of emotional stability and calmness. These new, positive experiences can reshape your perceptions and foster healthier relationship habits.
However, often it requires deliberate effort to shift an anxious attachment style. While you can’t alter your past, you can change how you interact in the present. Here are some steps to guide you on this journey:
- Seeking Professional Help
- Therapy: Seeing a competent psychologist for therapy is not only the most effective tool in developing a more secure attachment style, but it is also instrumental in effectively facilitating all the other steps outlined in this article. A psychologist can help you identify and understand your blind spots and unique relational patterns, and help guide you in developing healthier ways of relating to yourself and others. If you’d like to book a session with one of our highly skilled psychologists please click here.
- Attachment Repair Groups: Joining support groups focused on attachment repair can offer community support and shared experiences – fostering growth and healing.
- Online Courses: Many online resources and courses are designed to help individuals understand and heal their attachment styles. These can be convenient and effective tools for personal development.
- Self-Reflection and Awareness
- Recognize Patterns: Start by identifying your behavioural patterns in relationships. Understand how you typically react to stressors, conflicts, and emotional triggers.
- Reflect on the Past: Analyse your childhood experiences and how they might have shaped your attachment style. Understanding the root of your anxieties can be enlightening and empowering.
- Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness to stay present and recognize when old patterns are emerging. This awareness can help you make conscious choices rather than reacting impulsively.
- Building Secure Relationships
- Healthy Relationships: Engage with people who exhibit secure attachment behaviours. Their stability and consistent support can model healthy relationship dynamics.
- Set Boundaries: Learn to assert your needs and set boundaries. This is crucial in developing self-respect and fostering mutual respect in relationships.
- Communicate: Open and honest communication is vital. Share your feelings and fears with trusted partners or friends to build deeper, more secure connections.
- Continuous Effort
- Consistency: Change doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient and consistent in your efforts. Practice new behaviours and thought patterns regularly.
- Education: Read books and articles on attachment theory to deepen your understanding and reinforce your commitment to change.
The Wellness Evolution has established an exceptional resource library, offering patients the opportunity to borrow books at no charge. We encourage you to consult with your psychologist for personalized reading suggestions tailored to your needs.
- Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself throughout this process. Healing takes time, and it’s important to acknowledge and celebrate small victories along the way.
By dedicating time and effort to understanding and altering your attachment style, you can move towards more secure and fulfilling relationships. Whether through professional help, supportive relationships, or self-guided learning, the journey to healing is possible and rewarding.
To learn more about your attachment style, click here to take our Attachment Style Quiz.
Follow us on social media as we delve more into the concept of attachment theory and look more closely at different attachment styles.
Kimona Premjith is a clinical Psychologist at The Wellness Evolution. One of her special areas of interest is in Women’s health and fertility challenges, also dealing with peri-natal health and post-partum depression. Visit our website www.thewellnessevolution.co.za/about-kimona-premjith for more information or to book an appointment.
